How Etsy is Saving My Life part IV

The next day my girlfriend and I went to Sears and purchased the cheapest sewing machine that they offered and took it home. We tried to get that thing to work all night as well. Having 2 non working sewing machines was not an option. It just meant that we were idiots. But we did call it a night around 3 am. The next morning we "youtubed" setting up a sewing machine an were walked through the process step by step. Turns out that the source of all of our angst was the fact that we did not thread the bobbin, Hell, I thought that you put the thread on the top and away you go:). Well now I know.

It still took us about another week to get the bobbin threading and inserting perfect, but dammit we got it. That was the first time in a long time I had felt any sense of worth. WHODATHUNK it ?

I practiced for a while just stitching pieces together. And once again got frustrated things were not moving quicker and put the machine in the corner. I thought I couldn't do it, but on the daily basis, I was purchasing new purses (because I am a purse whore)...analysing others bag...I was truly looking at the construction of bags. I had decided that it was waaaaaaaaaaayyyyy. Too much work. More than I felt like doing.

Christmas was coming, and I was still on medical leave from work. Turned 18 and got my first job I had been the Christmas shopper ( because my mom buys crap that no one wants.) This year I couldn't do it. I slipped deeper. I needed something to aid with the idle time. Once again I saw the sewing machine ...I decided I am going to make my 15 y/o sister a bag for Christmas in lieu of buying her thousand of dollars worth of clothes which I normally do. ( PS...I did end up buying her lots of clothes b/c my girlfriend loves me and she paid for them:) Nonetheless I went to the garment district in NYC, lucky for me I live very close, and found this amazing silk skull print. She loves skull...the result was an amazing skull messenger. She loves it and it was better than anything that I could have purchased.

After I finished that bag , my seizures and my depression were getting worse. I couldn't go back to work and i was inundated with time. I was surfing the web for handmade handbags and came across etsy and all these amazing handmade bags. They were amazing. For the first time, I thought I could do this all the time. So I started researching etsy, etsy buyers,sellers, all things indie and handmade...it became and obsession. It helped with my depression . I began making bags daily. When I got good at it , I decided to open my etsy shop. I listed on Jan 5th, my first item sold on Jan 7th.

Although, I still get seizures, they still don't know why, and I still struggle with the depression associated with the fact that I am a medical misfit of some sort, I now have an outlet. I have to make things. Had I not found etsy, my world would be a bit different now. Etsy has save my life. I am very blessed.

How Etsy is Saving My Life...part II

Lets backtrack to August 2007. In a acupuncture session, my arm began shaking uncontrollably for about 20-30 minutes. A matter-of-fact it was less shaking an more of flopping. It was like one of those Three Stooges slapstick moments where the comic goes around slapping people and knocking things down and pretending that the arm has lost control, it was one of those sort of moments . My body was truly like a balloon being deflated. Needless to say I was perplexed and petrified.



My acupuncturist ,whom I love, is needless to say a holistic dude and the explanation that was given to me was that I have alot of karma from my family that is inhabiting my body and this is wind that is being released in this manner. WTF? This was Thursday and it was said and done, a bit heavy on my mind. I needed to make decisions about how to make sure that my parents karma was not reflective of my future.



Fast forward to Saturday . Location: Paramus Mall. So It was the week before my vacation from work so I my sister and my girlfriend went shopping for bathing suits and tried on wedding dresses in the bridal shops ( not because any one is getting married, just because I like dresses. I swear I would get married just to wear the dress and then live. lol). Then we went to the CPK for the first time not that is matters, but it was so overrated. I get home ant my ENTIRE body is out of control. My legs began walking without me telling them to. My arms began flailing about , knocking things over and hitting people. Witnesses truly have told me that it was like watching " The Exorcist.".... I am still having these "episodes" as I may call them. I have had 4 emergency room visit, been seen by several specialists, had numerous tests ( and am still being tested), and even in my despair been screwed by a psychic. I have been on leave from my job for 7 months. I still don't know why this is happening to me. To tell you the truth I am still as scared as I was on day one, August 12, 2007. Exactly 7 days before my 23rd birthday, how's that for a good time. I was on top of the world before. It was the happiest I'd ever been. I had just finished college and was on my way to take on the world. But as they say " You wanna hear God laugh, just tell him your plan."

Okay, let's fast forward, shall we...

December 2007: - (dramatic pause)-
I had gotten off of the bus coming from yet another of my daily (ugh)doctor visits . It was pouring down raining. It was a major storm watch in Jersey that day. And I had just done my weave over, I was ridiculously angry. I mean my weave was sick! So when it rained on my head I couldn't help but to cry. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some terry cloth soft chick that cries over hair but when I got sick, all I really had to look forward to was primping. All I had to show face was the I still had my swag even though my spirit was slowly dying. So if one hair was out of place, that was it for me. I mean these were days when I wanted to kill myself because the CVS didn't have tropical Starbursts.

I opened my bag (which was huge, my bags are always huge, that is why I make my bags so big) to look for a hat or plastic bag or something to put over my head. I didn't find it, but as my tears streamed down my face I simutaleously thought that my life is truly worthless and that I love this bag. When I finally gotot my porch ,although I was still raining I just can on my steps . The rain felt so good for some reason. I mean my weave was already messed up. But It felt good to stand there and I just said aloud..." I'm going to make purses".

I didn't know where the hell that even came from. I had not even heard about ETSY, I damn sure hadn't planned on selling them. I just wanted something to do to make my life feel worthwhile again. Hell I didn't own a sewing machine and didn't know how to sew.

Okay, basketball is about to come on. To be continued.

How Etsy is Saving My Life

It has occurred to me that I did not tell anyone why I started posting on ETSY. For some reason, I felt that I should keep it a secret. I felt that if people knew that they would not want to buy from me, or even look at my page or acknowledge my mere existence. But now, I just don't really care. My work is an extension of my spirit. It is me. Don't accept me if that is your will. That was part of why I was hesitant to start a blog. I questioned what I was going to write about, I am truly not shallow enough to just sit here and write about beautiful prints and pretty shops and price points. I'll be damned if I was gonna sit here and draw out a how to guide for etsian.(not that I don't love them, it's just not my style, I don't have the patience.) Nor so I want to dedicate my god given gift of loquaciousness to speak inanely of macro settings and indirect sunlight. Don't' get me wrong, as you can see, there will be speak of such things, but I realized that the reason that my BLOG was empty was because it is devoid of my best asset. Its me BABY. And I could giva fuck if you don't like it.

Having said all that , I really didn't set out to join ETSY at all. Nor did I really set out to start making bags either. It is truly a matter of happenstance. ... I stumbled upon both. It is quite plausible it was divine intervention, in fact, I'm' sure of it.
I'm sleepy...to be continued.