I remembered that I had purchased a Singer sewing machine maybe 2 years prior for $ 5.00 from a fundraising garage sale for an animal shelter near my home. It was from like the 70's but it had all its parts and such. It had sooooo many parts I was just intimidated.It was intended to start making my own clothes, eventually. But I never touched except to clean it after bringing home from the garage sale.
I got home and pulled that machine from the back of my closet and tried to figure out how to work it. I got some scrap fabric ( old clothes) and put come thread on the bad boy and let loose. What I got was ascrunch thread mess. Nothing would work for me. I tried all night long. Yht e one thing that you should probably know about me is that I have always been an overachiever..I mean a real over achiever. Mediocrity is not an option for me. When I was 8 I got an ulcer partially due to my infinate strive for perfection. If I didn't graduate from college with a 4.0 it would have been un acceptable. So for me to not be able to figure out how to work a sewing machine, just was not an option.
But in the mental state that I was in from my health situation, I just so depressed that there was something that I could not do. I threw the sewing machine done the stairs and jumped in my bed and cried once again. Feeling like I couldn't do anything right I truly began to contemplate suicide. These were days when, white bread instead of wheat would sent me into angst driven anxiety.
So I just scratched the idea of making anything.
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