How Etsy is Saving My Life...Part III

I remembered that I had purchased a Singer sewing machine maybe 2 years prior for $ 5.00 from a fundraising garage sale for an animal shelter near my home. It was from like the 70's but it had all its parts and such. It had sooooo many parts I was just intimidated.It was intended to start making my own clothes, eventually. But I never touched except to clean it after bringing home from the garage sale.

I got home and pulled that machine from the back of my closet and tried to figure out how to work it. I got some scrap fabric ( old clothes) and put come thread on the bad boy and let loose. What I got was ascrunch thread mess. Nothing would work for me. I tried all night long. Yht e one thing that you should probably know about me is that I have always been an overachiever..I mean a real over achiever. Mediocrity is not an option for me. When I was 8 I got an ulcer partially due to my infinate strive for perfection. If I didn't graduate from college with a 4.0 it would have been un acceptable. So for me to not be able to figure out how to work a sewing machine, just was not an option.

But in the mental state that I was in from my health situation, I just so depressed that there was something that I could not do. I threw the sewing machine done the stairs and jumped in my bed and cried once again. Feeling like I couldn't do anything right I truly began to contemplate suicide. These were days when, white bread instead of wheat would sent me into angst driven anxiety.

So I just scratched the idea of making anything.

How Etsy is Saving My Life...part II

Lets backtrack to August 2007. In a acupuncture session, my arm began shaking uncontrollably for about 20-30 minutes. A matter-of-fact it was less shaking an more of flopping. It was like one of those Three Stooges slapstick moments where the comic goes around slapping people and knocking things down and pretending that the arm has lost control, it was one of those sort of moments . My body was truly like a balloon being deflated. Needless to say I was perplexed and petrified.



My acupuncturist ,whom I love, is needless to say a holistic dude and the explanation that was given to me was that I have alot of karma from my family that is inhabiting my body and this is wind that is being released in this manner. WTF? This was Thursday and it was said and done, a bit heavy on my mind. I needed to make decisions about how to make sure that my parents karma was not reflective of my future.



Fast forward to Saturday . Location: Paramus Mall. So It was the week before my vacation from work so I my sister and my girlfriend went shopping for bathing suits and tried on wedding dresses in the bridal shops ( not because any one is getting married, just because I like dresses. I swear I would get married just to wear the dress and then live. lol). Then we went to the CPK for the first time not that is matters, but it was so overrated. I get home ant my ENTIRE body is out of control. My legs began walking without me telling them to. My arms began flailing about , knocking things over and hitting people. Witnesses truly have told me that it was like watching " The Exorcist.".... I am still having these "episodes" as I may call them. I have had 4 emergency room visit, been seen by several specialists, had numerous tests ( and am still being tested), and even in my despair been screwed by a psychic. I have been on leave from my job for 7 months. I still don't know why this is happening to me. To tell you the truth I am still as scared as I was on day one, August 12, 2007. Exactly 7 days before my 23rd birthday, how's that for a good time. I was on top of the world before. It was the happiest I'd ever been. I had just finished college and was on my way to take on the world. But as they say " You wanna hear God laugh, just tell him your plan."

Okay, let's fast forward, shall we...

December 2007: - (dramatic pause)-
I had gotten off of the bus coming from yet another of my daily (ugh)doctor visits . It was pouring down raining. It was a major storm watch in Jersey that day. And I had just done my weave over, I was ridiculously angry. I mean my weave was sick! So when it rained on my head I couldn't help but to cry. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some terry cloth soft chick that cries over hair but when I got sick, all I really had to look forward to was primping. All I had to show face was the I still had my swag even though my spirit was slowly dying. So if one hair was out of place, that was it for me. I mean these were days when I wanted to kill myself because the CVS didn't have tropical Starbursts.

I opened my bag (which was huge, my bags are always huge, that is why I make my bags so big) to look for a hat or plastic bag or something to put over my head. I didn't find it, but as my tears streamed down my face I simutaleously thought that my life is truly worthless and that I love this bag. When I finally gotot my porch ,although I was still raining I just can on my steps . The rain felt so good for some reason. I mean my weave was already messed up. But It felt good to stand there and I just said aloud..." I'm going to make purses".

I didn't know where the hell that even came from. I had not even heard about ETSY, I damn sure hadn't planned on selling them. I just wanted something to do to make my life feel worthwhile again. Hell I didn't own a sewing machine and didn't know how to sew.

Okay, basketball is about to come on. To be continued.

How Etsy is Saving My Life

It has occurred to me that I did not tell anyone why I started posting on ETSY. For some reason, I felt that I should keep it a secret. I felt that if people knew that they would not want to buy from me, or even look at my page or acknowledge my mere existence. But now, I just don't really care. My work is an extension of my spirit. It is me. Don't accept me if that is your will. That was part of why I was hesitant to start a blog. I questioned what I was going to write about, I am truly not shallow enough to just sit here and write about beautiful prints and pretty shops and price points. I'll be damned if I was gonna sit here and draw out a how to guide for etsian.(not that I don't love them, it's just not my style, I don't have the patience.) Nor so I want to dedicate my god given gift of loquaciousness to speak inanely of macro settings and indirect sunlight. Don't' get me wrong, as you can see, there will be speak of such things, but I realized that the reason that my BLOG was empty was because it is devoid of my best asset. Its me BABY. And I could giva fuck if you don't like it.

Having said all that , I really didn't set out to join ETSY at all. Nor did I really set out to start making bags either. It is truly a matter of happenstance. ... I stumbled upon both. It is quite plausible it was divine intervention, in fact, I'm' sure of it.
I'm sleepy...to be continued.

Pictures

...have been my main focus the past few days. I'm working on them. I think that I am getting better. I am very impatiently waiting on the damn sun to come out so that I may get some natural light. Weather in Jersey has been crazy but I've gotten a few jewels.
like this first one. The Day in the Village Clutch. It is is my masterpiece of photography...lol. I love it.

I may just be a bit overconfident. I has not sold . It has 562 views and 16 heart and is homeless.
The funny thing about selling your own art ...basically selling yourself is that when people don't want it, you feel like you have been personally accosted. You put your spirit into this and its difficult when people say " I think I'll pass." Lucky for me that I was forced to have a thick skin very early. Back to this wonderful pic...lol. I am getting better. Take a look at the first time that I took a pic of this bag. (2nd pic)

I know it was hella dark, but it was a good angle.

back... its been a while

So, I have been working on my pics. I think that they are getting much better, considering I have a cheap camera and no charger. Every time I want to take pics now, I have to go out and buy a new set of batteries, That is quite frustrating.

Thanks to some fellow ETSIANS, I have discovered the macro setting on my camera. I think that has made the most difference. I still have to work on background and learn to tame my shaky hand. My lighting sucks because I live in an attic apartment with virtually no sunlight . I am currently looking for a good weather day and good setting so that I may go outside and take pictures. They say that would help. Its a little uggggggghhhhhhhh in Jersey right now. We shall see.

I am actually being very lazy lately. I feel so sick, I don't feel like making anything. My medicine makes me so groggy and cranky. From this day on I am dedicated to making at least on bag a day until I have 3 pages of etsy product. You have to hold me to that. If I don't make and post...call me on it.

I am also working on a new secret craft project that is not handbags. It is proving to be more difficult than I thought that it would be. But it is different and I am being creative. I can also work on it while just watching TV. Maybe when I get further along, I will post progress pics. I think it is going to either end up great or disastrous. There will be NO in between.

PS. I am very new to this blogging so I don't know how to post pics yet. I feel like an idiot saying that , but its the TRUTH ...RUTH.